


Day 10- Labels

by Broken_Clover



Series: Autistic Creative Challenge 2019 [10]
Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Autistic Creative Challenge, Bisexuality, Coming Out, F/M, Meltdown, Sensory Overload, Trans Male Character, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18426660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: 3 secrets that Roy told Litchi





	Day 10- Labels

No matter what, Roy would always remember the first time he met Litchi. Partly because it was one of the biggest social blunders he had ever made, and his anxiety absolutely refused to let it go.

He had been distracted that day, worrying so much about Kokonoe’s project and finding a way to pick up the new temp that he’d wound up plowing right into her as he rounded the corner.

The combination of embarrassment from his own clumsiness and flustered awkwardness from how pretty the new trainee was made him stumble over his words without thinking. Litchi, Litchi, she had such a pretty name. How had Kokonoe not mentioned it until now?

“I-I thought so. I’m Lotte Carmine-”

A sense of dread rose up his chest, and he desperately hoped that Litchi hadn’t heard him right. Did his voice crack? Did he sound funny? This was the last thing he wanted to do upon meeting a new person. After trying so hard to make sure nobody called him that, why did he just go ahead and do it himself?

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Carmine!”

He let out a little exhale internally. Mr. Carmine. She called him _Mr._ Carmine.

“Oh, feel free to call me Roy.” Maybe he could pass it off as a nickname?

Litchi seemed to take it in stride. Before he knew it, they were falling into an amicable chat, only to be interrupted by Kokonoe. Even as aggravating as she could be, Roy was secretly relieved that Kokonoe wouldn’t stoop to calling him the wrong name on purpose.

He’d always thought Lotte was a dumb name, even for a girl. He didn’t know what had possessed his parents to pick it. He had started going by Roy way back when he was a teenager, when he finally had a word to describe why it felt so wrong when people called him a ‘cute young lady.’ He bemoaned his short stature and higher-pitched voice, but after finding a good binder, cutting his hair short, and finding other little tricks to help him present in a more masculine way, he felt far more comfortable in his own skin.

Even beyond that, though, Roy struggled on how he wanted to label himself. He knew his neurotic personality and social struggles weren’t related to his gender. He wasn’t even sure how to classify his preferences when it came to other people. He knew he loved Litchi, whether she liked him back or not, but he wasn’t entirely sure if he was limited to women. And if he wasn’t, was that bad?

The more he worked with Litchi, the more he realized that there were a lot of secrets she didn’t know about him. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to spill everything all at once. How would she respond? He didn’t want to scare her away.

Would Litchi still like him if he told her everything?

++++++

The first time he let something slip, she had come over to his quarters for dinner. It wasn’t anything fancy, but the experiments had been going well, and they felt like a little celebration had been in order. They’d migrated to the couch afterwards, turning on a sci-fi flick that, to his delight, Litchi enjoyed just as much as he did.

“Wow, the effects in this are excellent!” She said, watching a mechanical monster shudder to life with a roar.

“The casting isn’t too shabby, either. I never expected the main lead to be so well-cast, the guy who did this usually does lower-budget stuff.” He replied with a smile. 

Litchi nodded. “He’s rather handsome, too. Something about him.”

“I agree!” Roy felt the blood leave his face as soon as he spoke. Why hadn’t he been thinking?

After a moment, he decided that there wasn’t much of a better time. “Ah...Litchi? Is it okay if I ask you something?”

“Sure, Roy, what is it?” She didn’t seem at all aware of his nervousness as she turned to look at him.

“I’m not entirely sure on this, but...I think I might be bisexual.”

Litchi’s expression didn’t waver. “Oh?”

He didn’t know how to properly respond. “Is that...okay?”

She smiled at him. “Of course it is. I certainly wouldn’t judge you for it. I’m just glad you felt like you could be open with me.”

In that split-second, Roy fell even more in love.

++++++

The second time had come a lot sooner than he would have liked. Then again, his meltdowns often did, too. Unlike the first, it had been the exact opposite of a good day. The lab studies had turned up virtually nothing new for days, the all-nighters had left him on less than four hours of sleep, and Kokonoe had been so annoyed by Relius’ visit that she’d practically thrown the coffee he had made right back in his face. Roy was exhausted, overstimulated, and miserable, which was how he had wound up in the breakroom corner, rocking back and forth while yanking at his hair.

It was embarrassing to have a meltdown in public, but it wasn’t something he could stop. His shirt was wet and gross but he couldn’t take it off, and he was pretty sure it had gotten to his binder, too. He wasn’t sure if he had another clean shirt back at home, but he couldn’t focus enough to get out of his ball on the floor and check.

“Roy?”

In most cases, hearing more voices while he was overstimulated just made things worse. He could recognize Litchi’s voice immediately, though, silky-soft and gentle.

“Roy, are you okay?” She knelt down in front of him. There was concern in her eyes.

He wished he could have responded properly. Talking was too much for him to handle at the moment. The closest he could manage was a gasp and a shudder.

Litchi extended a hand. “Is it alright if I touch you? I just want to make sure you aren’t injured.”

That was something he was pretty sure he could tolerate. Roy managed a nod, and practically melted into Litchi’s warm, careful touch. It was oddly soothing as she meticulously ran fingers over his head and down the base of his neck in search of any wounds. She was sure to calmly explain what she was doing and why she was doing it while she worked, so he knew what was happening. 

By the time she was finished, Roy could feel his muscles starting to unclench. He wasn’t prepared to start chatting again, but Litchi gave him another hand and helped him to his feet, which he managed.

“Come on, let’s go back to your room. I’m sure you’d rather get into some dry clothes.”

She was remarkably patient with him, and Roy couldn’t believe how lucky he had gotten. Litchi never snapped at him or glared. She was perfectly willing to wait outside while he changed, pulling on the comfiest shirt he had and wrapping his arms around himself.

“Is everything alright in there?”

“Mmhm.” He paused. “You can come in.”

“Do you feel a bit better now?” Litchi gave him a careful glance.

“A lot. Thanks for helping me…” His faint smile fell. He supposed there wasn’t much beating around the bush. “Litchi? Is it ok if I tell you something?”

“Of course, you can always talk to me.”

“I didn’t mean to cause such a mess earlier. I’m autistic, and I’m not very good at processing a lot of stress and sensory information all at once. Whenever it gets too much for me, I have a meltdown.”

She nodded affirmatively. “I see. I was wondering if it was something like that.”

“You’re not mad?” 

“Why would I be?” She quirked an eyebrow in genuine puzzlement. “I’m just sorry I wasn’t able to help you sooner. If this starts happening again, just let me know, okay? However I can make it easier for you.”

A moment later, Roy threw his arms around her in a tight hug. She let him.

++++++

Roy wasn’t sure that he would have ever been quite ready to let his last little secret out. He and Litchi had been getting close, to the point where he was almost ready to ask her out on a real, bona-fide date. It felt like there were more important things to worry about. He was just waiting for the right time.

...He was bad at lying to himself.

“According to the weather schedule, it’s going to be excellent beach weather in the next few days.” Litchi spoke up over breakfast. “That sounds fun, doesn’t it? Nice weather, swimming...it’ll be good after such a long winter.”

He could already feel a bit of stress mounting. Excuses weren’t really his strong suit. Litchi sounded so excited about the concept, but it was the last place he wanted to go.

“I’m not really sure, Litchi. I’m not much of a beach person. Maybe somewhere else?”

“Really? You’ve sounded so excited for the weather to get warmer, I thought this would be something you’d love?”

Roy gave a shrug. “I’m not much of a swimmer.”

“Oh. Do you not know how? I can teach you.”

“No, it’s…” This wasn’t getting anywhere. He tried not to groan in frustration. “I just don’t want to, that’s all.” It came out far grumpier than he’d meant to, something he realized as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“...okay, then.” Litchi tried not to sound hurt, but Roy could hear it in her voice. She politely excused herself down to the lab, leaving him alone in the breakroom.

“Damn it…” He put his head in his hands, leaving his food untouched. The sound of shoes clicking made him flinch, but it wasn’t who he had been expecting. “Professor Kokonoe?”

“Trouble in paradise? Sounds like you’re being a lovestruck teenager again, Roy. What was that about?” Kokonoe’s face was in its permanent scowl, already chewing on a lollipop despite it being breakfast.

“I-it’s nothing. Litchi just wanted to go to the beach.”

“Oh.” She sounded utterly unphased. “Haven’t told her yet, then?”

Of course Kokonoe knew. She needed to have his medical files when he started working. He was still amazed she hadn’t let anything slip.

“I can’t think of a good reason to. That’s all.”

Kokonoe seemed even less impressed. “Bullshit. Look, I know this is a really difficult thing for you, but do you really think Litchi of all people is gonna care? Trying to keep secrets is just gonna stress you out.”

Roy faltered. “I...don’t know.”

For once, the professor’s severe expression faded. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s Litchi. She’s practically smitten with you already. I don’t think she’s suddenly gonna hate you for something like that.”

Loathe to admit it, she was actually making some good points. He didn’t want to consider the possibility of tiptoeing around Litchi forever. Maybe it would just be easier if he was upfront.

“Roy, have you seen-” Litchi cut herself off, spotting Kokonoe as she re-entered the room. “There you are, professor. I was just looking for you.”

“Yeah? Whattaya need?” She reached up to scratch one of her ears.

“I’ve made some adjustments to my calculations, I was wondering if you could proofread them?”

“That’s all? Yeah, yeah, I can look it over later. I’m sure it’s fine, you always double-check.”

Litchi was taken aback by the sudden response, but nodded. “Alright, then. I guess I’ll head back to work, then. Anything else before I go?”

“I got nothing.” While she spoke, Roy caught a look flashed in his direction, just for a split-second.

“Okay. Let me know if-”

“Litchi?”

The woman paused, turning back around. “Did you need something, Roy?”

“Sort of.” He wrung his hands together. “We’re honest with each other, right? Like the last time. I can tell you things, can’t I?”

Based on Litchi’s expression, she knew what he was recalling. “Absolutely, Roy. I want you to trust me. Is something wrong?”

His mind was yelling at him to stop talking, bail, emergency exit. Roy continued on anyway. “Maybe I should have told you earlier, but I was afraid. I didn’t know what you’d think of me. I wanted to be friends.”

“Roy…?”

“Remember back on the first day you came to work in the lab? When we first talked?”

She nodded silently.

“I told you my name was Lotte. That’s-” he tried to think of a good way to phrase it “-my birth name. My deadname. I’m a trans man.”

Litchi was silent. Roy braced himself for shouting, for disappointed looks, for anything she could possibly throw at him. He had finally told her, now all that was left was to see what came of it.

“...You aren’t binding with bandages, are you?”

“What?” He was so taken off-guard by the question, he could hardly respond. “N-no, of course I don’t.”

“Good.” There was a steely glint in the woman’s eyes. “I figured you’d know better, but I thought I’d ask just in case. I see why you wouldn’t want to go to the beach, then. I definitely don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, is there someplace else you’d like to- Roy, are you crying?”

Was he crying? He didn’t even notice until she mentioned it. It felt like a good cry, though. All the fear and paranoia that had been stockpiling for a long time all flooded out at once.

“C’mere…” Litchi pulled him in for a hug. He buried himself in her shoulder, tears of relief running down his face.

“You’re not mad?” 

“Of course I’m not.” She left a kiss on his temple. “No matter what, you’re still Roy. And you’re still my friend.”


End file.
